Tales From The Other Side: #MeToo Is For Women

Find out why a male sexual assault survivor doesn't think men should be involved in #metoo

Tales from the Other Side: A guest post series on www.bettysbattleground.comToday’s post is a different type of “Tales From the Other Side” post than usual, because it’s written from the perspective of a sexual assault survivor about his experiences as a sexual assault survivor. This series usually focuses on those who “live, love, and work with the mentally ill.” But I publishing this post under the series because it comes from a male sexual assault survivor who says #metoo is for women.

I wrote my own post last year about how #metoo is for men and not for men, and if you read the comments, it garnered some controversy. Today’s post is considerably shorter than the guest posts I typically publish (1000 word minimum for anyone interested) but I accepted it as is because it provides an important and thorough perspective that honestly doesn’t need those extra words. I watched Chris on his journey to this conclusion–he put a lot of thought into crafting these words. I hope you’ll put as much thought into reading them.

I’m especially excited to post this today of all days because it is my daughter’s fourth birthday. It’s also the day when my slumlord gave us notice of a rental raise despite several unresolved housing code violations in our building, and when I confronted the managed of my building to assert my rights he got in my face, yelled at me to “stop bitching,” then pointed over a five foot balcony–that I highly doubt meet safety code, and told me to “get the fuck out of here;” mind you, within centimeters of my body. My apartment building manager. And the police did nothing. If the little girls of this world are going to grow up into women who feel safe in their bodies and homes, then we need more men like Chris Dantes to step up, recognize the problem, and speak out–so that men like David Neyhart (building owner), Chester (manager who intimidated me), and all the Weinsteins of the world learn that it is they, not us, who need to shut up and get the fuck out of here. Happy birthday Anabelle. Mama is loud for you honey, no matter what man hates it, and she’s not going to stop. I love you.

Read why male sexual assault survivor Chris Dantes believes #metoo should be reserved for women only on bettysbattleground.comChris Dantes is a full-time writer who has tutored high school and college students for eleven years. His work focuses on social issues, including sexual abuse and mental health awareness through essays, research articles, and fiction. He earned a Bachelor of Arts degree in English – Creative Writing from the University of South Florida.Dantes and his wife co-founded Bum Dogs Media in 2018, which focuses on spreading sexual abuse and mental health awareness through writing, instructional videos, podcasts, and speaking appearances. You can follow him on Twitter @realchrisdantes and on FacebookAlso, you can support him by subscribing to his Patreon account at patreon.com/fearnoscar

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Trauma Is Subjective. Assault Categories Are Not.

Learn how trauma can be subjective but also differentiated on bettysbattleground.com

Since the #metoo campaign went viral, many necessary and important conversations have begun. We  dragged the truth about sexual harassment and assault into the light of day, exposing the fact that a disturbing amount of people–especially women–have experienced some form of sexual violence in their lifetimes. Discussions about support and awareness have taken beautiful seed. Rape culture is finally being acknowledged on a wide-spread scale. But there’s one discussion that, while important, has not been able to take place without sounding horribly offensive. That is the conversation about the fact that not all traumatic experiences are the same.

Let me start by saying this: trauma is subjective. The development of post-traumatic stress disorder and other traumatic responses is not only determined by the inciting event. The victim’s biological makeup, personal history, and support system also play a significant role. As do the nuances of the event, which may not appear in the categorizing of the event. It is possible for one person to be more traumatized by having her breasts fondled on a bus than another person who was forcibly raped–really–simply because of all those factors; even though most people would likely say, if made to choose, that they’d rather have their breasts fondled than be forcibly raped. Our anxieties and personal biases create hierarchies of trauma, but that’s not how trauma actually works. There is no way to say that “my trauma was worse than yours,” and even if there was, it would be a silly, disrespectful thing to say. Take it from someone with PTSD: being traumatized is not something to aspire toward.

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Healing Words: The Effects Of Rape Can Last A Lifetime

Justin discusses surviving male on male rape on bettysbattleground.com

A guest writer series about the ways we heal-on bettysbattleground.comToday’s guest post describes the experience of a survivor of male-on-male rape, which has not yet been discussed here on Betty’s Battleground. As last week’s Tales From the Other Side guest post pointed out, some people just do not believe that male rape can happen or that it doesn’t matter. But it can. It does. And it’s not okay.

In this incredibly candid post, Justin describes how he began to allow himself to recognize that the rape occurred. This isn’t a “Healing Words” article like others in the past.There won’t be a neat “how-to heal” section; instead we get insight to the acute recovery from rape. The ways in which the human mind adjusts and begins to heal from the idea of having been raped–which is not something that is given enough attention.

This post opened my eyes a lot. It has touched on some topics I need to focus on more as well. I am extremely proud of Justin for his candor, and to have the honor of publishing his eye-opening piece on my blog.

Justin is a rape survivor on bettysbattleground.comJustin Coleman is a student. He loves books and board games. His interests are maps, politics, elections, Latin America, Greece, feminism, the environment, PredictIt, Paradox games, soccer, and music you probably haven’t heard of. He has been journaling for over a decade to process the intense emotions and mood swings of his bipolar disorder. You can connect with Justin on FacebookTwitter, and LinkedIn.

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