Today I want to reblog my latest post on HealthyPlace about dealing with unhealthy people, and also talk about a couple other things.
We Have A Winner!
The first and most exciting matter today is that we have a winner for the FREE copy of “My Fair Junkie” by Amy Dresner that I offered you last week. If you missed the contest, you can still buy the book (hint: requesting books from libraries that don’t already have them helps writers too) or check out her exclusive must-read interview here.
So…the winner….(drumroll please)…is Linda Parker! Congratulations Linda, and thank you to everyone who entered. You are awesome. You should still go grab yourselves a copy of the book–I am not using any affiliate links programs anymore but there’s all sorts of places you can find it…just read it. For serious.
Some Serious Shit
The second thing I want to talk about is why my blog posts have not been as frequent and on schedule lately. I can’t go into all the details because, while I believe in radical honesty, I also believe in respecting the privacy of others and some of this involves someone else’s ordeal. But, as I mentioned briefly in an previous post, my mother-in-law did a horrifically abusive (emotionally, not physically, I should add) action that traumatized–on different levels–every member of my household. The things she said to me, which included (verbatim) “you are garbage who nobody wants” spent me spiraling into depression. Her yelling, abrupt departure sans goodbye (she was supposed to stay through Christmas and my daughter’s birthday), and door slamming left my kids– especially the older–heartbroken and traumatized.
I’ve been having to sleep during the day as much as I can because my daughter has been having nightmares all night. My husband…well as I said, I won’t disclose his personal info…but he had a very severe reaction to the whole event (which included robbing him of an academic opportunity that he had worked hard for and that would have resulted in a major upward change in our financial situation–long story, maybe another time), and as a result–even though I was triggered, depressed, and affected too–I spent the last several weeks after her departure being a caretaker for everyone, because they were closer to her and thus more harmed.
From what I understand, she’s taken no culpability on her end of things. She blames me for “kicking her out,” because after she called her husband to buy her a plane ticket to leave, while also yelling insults at me, threatening to call the police on me simply for speaking to her in a tone she did not like, causing my kids to cry and beg her to stop (they have trauma over the police because of my suicide attempt, regrettably), and slamming my daughters’ door in our faces, I did grab her suitcase and help her get her stuff out the door. That I did. And I don’t regret it. Her behavior was abusive to me, and frightening to my children. She needed to leave.
Anyway, my blog post on HealthyPlace today is about how to deal with unhealthy people in your life:
In a perfect world, we would never encounter someone unhealthy for us. The people with whom we hold company would all be healthy influences. Unfortunately, as those of us with posttraumatic stress disorder likely already know, we do not live in a perfect world. Although we can choose our friends, and we can migrate toward or away certain co-workers, acquaintances, and even family members, we cannot always prevent unhealthy influences from entering our lives.