I don’t do straight up parenting posts too often, but hey, I am a mom, right? It’s not all gloom and doom and PTSD. Let’s talk straight up motherhood for once, and have some fun while at it, hmm? And what more encapsulates motherhood–at least this current phase of motherhood for me–than breastfeeding?
11 Ridiculous Activities I Learned I Can Do While Breastfeeding
I breastfed my first child for a little under a year. When he grew enough teeth to eat solid food regularly, he lost interest in my breasts, which I now know was pretty lucky. My middle child never learned to latch properly, and I finally had give up and give in to full-time bottle feeding at three months. My youngest spent her second birthday glued to my nipple.
At two and a half, I am finally making headway on the weaning process. I know I still have an uphill battle, but there is a light at the end of my sore nipple tunnel–especially since I stopped producing a couple months back. I’m finally able to begin laughing at the past two years, instead of melting into an anxious sobbing mess.
With a middle child only one year and a few months older than my youngest, the past two years have been…interesting. I have been breastfeeding while teaching another child how to walk, soothing her through the Terrible Twos, and trying to successfully explain why popping a squat on the carpet is not OK. On the plus side? After an accumulated three and a half years of breastfeeding, I have basically turned multitasking into a superpower. And I’ve discovered that I can do a surprising number of things while a little creature guzzles at my breast.
Here’s are some of the most unusual activities I’ve learned are totally possible to do while breastfeeding:
I’m literally breastfeeding right now. No I’m not kidding. I wonder if it would help or hurt my blog stats if my readers knew just how many of my articles I’ve written with a kid strapped to my nipple.
To be fair, I’ve never cooked an entire meal while breastfeeding, but I have definitely sat down for a feeding while leaving something to simmer and then needed to stir or add an ingredient before she was done. If you’re curious how this works, it involves scooping the baby, clutching her to me with one arm, turning my chest as far away from the heat as possible, and stirring quickly with my free hand.
I have eaten countless meals while breastfeeding. And I’m a messy eater, so I’ve definitely crowned my daughter the queen of spaghetti on more than one occasion. Luckily, she’s a foodie, so I stopped having to do this when she began eating solids. Though now she likes to finish her meal and then walk over to my side of the table to wash down the meal with a little breastmilk.
Sure, I went through the “I wanna be a perfect mommy” phase when I would actually get up for every night time feeding, sit upright in a chair, and cradle my baby at my chest until she was done. Ten years ago when I became a mom for the first time, that is. Now, I am a master of feeding while sleeping. I let my baby lie next to me in the bed, pull out my boob, and wrap one arm around her head and body as a way of signaling my brain that there is a little person there. You know, just in case the latch on my nipple isn’t enough.
Just kidding! Or am I? No, really, I didn’t “do the deed” with a babe on my breast, but if my husband had his way I probably would have..and I am now very certain that I could have.
When my youngest was born, my husband was working full time. This meant that for a large portion of the day I was alone with a breastfeeding newborn and a toddler. Any mom who has breastfed knows that a good portion of those first few months are spent sitting with a baby at your breast. But my one and a half year old was…well, one and a half. She needed a lot of attention and had more than enough energy to relentlessly demand it. So I had to come up with some pretty interesting games in order to entertain her while sitting. Sure, there was story-time and peekaboo, but those weren’t her favorites. Her favorite was “incontinent foot,” in which she’d place a diaper over my foot while I sang “incontinent foot” in my best approximation of a booming voice.
There has been more than one occasion on my breastfeeding journey when I’ve had to hoist the baby into my arms and walk around while she’s remained happily latched onto my breast. Whether I’ve needed to answer a call, switch chairs for comfort, or follow another child into a room that required adult supervision, I have walked around whilst breastfeeding way more than I once thought possible.
After two years of breastfeeding, I no longer hide in the bathroom when the time for a feeding rolls around. Frankly, I don’t even cover up anymore. But once upon a time, I was a meek little mama who would hide in the bathroom to breastfeed. That meek little mama did not make a practice of emptying her bladder while her child ate…but there was at least one urgent occasion when I decided to kill two birds with one stone. She didn’t notice a thing, by the way.
When I say my youngest is a fiend for the breast, I mean fiend! My bathtub isn’t that big, so I don’t mother-daughter bathe too often, but there were a few times when it was necessary. And my youngest, little milk fiend that she is, actually swam up to me and attached her mouth to my nipple for a quick sip in the tub.
Catching Up With Friends And Family
It’s so funny to measure the reactions between different people when I whip out my breast in front of them. My mom friends, of course, never bat an eye. My guy friends usually say nothing, while their eyes sidle away from me, seeking a safer place to rest. My father-in-law actually apologized and walked out the room the first time, though I’ve done it so much in front of him at this point that he just acts like it’s nothing now (which it is).
Writing A Master of Fine Arts Thesis
I totally wrote my MFA thesis while breastfeeding. I mean, I didn’t have a child on my breast through the entire thing, but there are definitely a few milky sections. If nothing else earns me a “Master of Breastfeeding” title, completing my Masters thesis while breastfeeding should!
How about you, mama? Any fun breastfeeding or bottle feeding multitasking to share? Leave me a comment and let me know your greatest feeding feat 😉
Just cuz I know you want to see this lil’ mama again…